DEVASTATED

Listening: silence

Feeling: see above

I know there's probably a good explanation why my show is not on the air right now, when it is meant to be, but I'm at a complete loss to explain why. There is no one answering any of the three phone numbers I have for BBSRadio and I am so upset right now.

Thankfully I have a big piece of rose quartz to hold onto as I don't think I could stand to cry any longer. I've been crying for an hour. Oh well, it seems that my plan to avoid the radio-related tears this weekend has failed. But the rose quartz is at hand, so all is not lost. If you ever find yourself having a flood of unstoppable tears, get the rose quartz out. Hold it in your hand (right for the ladies and left for the guys) and voila! It stops them in minutes.

About ten minutes after the show was supposed to be on I started to worry (last week the show was broadcast half an hour late so I had good reason) and that's when I tried calling the station.
3 phone lines and not one anwering machine or person to take the calls. The longer I held on the worse it got, then the tears came and they were intense. In fact I don't know if I've felt this sad about anything for years.

Now it might sound silly to you reading this. How could I get so upset by this? It's just a radio show that isn't widely listened to at the end of the day. I know that, but this week it was hard for me to produce the show for many reasons and I nearly rang BBS several times to tell them that it was just too hard, and could I postpone for a week? I resisted that impulse however as I'd gone through quite a process securing Mary Rodwell as this week's guest, and despite some significant physical obstacles (like some painful RSI I seem to be developing in my right arm) I got the show to them on time and felt quite proud of my efforts. I'd also promoted this show more heavily than others before it and knew that many people would tune in as they would want to hear all about Mary's work and find out more about the star kids. And most importantly, it was personally significant as it was show #11 and I thought it was an amazing synchronicity to get Mary at such short notice to do my 11th show, and be discussing starseeds an ET contact without having planned it that way - plus I felt as though it was one of the best interviews I've done to date and I think it really would've helped the show's profile as well as that of BBSRadio.

Now I feel that all that work was done in vain and any momentum I may have garnered has been lost now. I don't know what to do about it frankly. I just hope someone from over there gets in touch with me soon.